First, let me state that insanity, the result of having far too much "sane" "in" one’s self, is not the depressing display of scratched walls, mangled hair, and putrid incontinence that most people see it as. No, insanity is far from it. Many of us today trudge our way through life... step by step... inch by inch... Without ever thinking, "What if I was completely off my rocker?" What if, the next time my boss takes his ego out on me, I simply reach in my drawers, withdraw a clump of poo, and smear it in his face while laughing maniacally? Wouldn't that make you feel better? Wouldn't it! Insanity is freedom my friends. The freedom from a mortgage, and a job, and a life of servitude to this system we herald as the "only way" life could possibly work. The very idea that there is another way is unthinkable to the average chump. I am here to tell you that there is another way my fellow Americans. There is another way! It is called, being completely insane.
Being insane, for many reasons, has its perks. I can give you several examples in which being insane would really improve the circumstances of a variety of situations. For instance, a sane man, being the thought provoking creature that he is, goes out and finances a car. He puts 20% down on a $12,000 vehicle and, unbeknownst to him, when his first payment is due he finds out that the car salesman screwed him over on the interest rate. He would argue, but he is simply too tired from work. He makes a few attempts at trying to talk to the company that financed the loan about the inflated interest rate, but to no avail. Now, he is stuck paying off the car for the next 5 years... end of story.
Now after reading that, how much freedom do you see in that simple, yet very common, tale? Not much. So, if you were completely insane, how would you handle that situation? I can most assuredly assume you would not be stuck with a car payment. Let's use the same situation, only this time, this man is insane. So, an insane man walks on to a car lot. He takes a look around, spots the salesman, and walks up to him. "Hey there!" the insane man says enthusiastically. "I was wondering if we could test drive the most expensive car on the lot?" The car salesman's eyes widen in excitement. He could really use the cash from screwing this guy over he thinks. "Well, that's not a problem, I will get the keys." The car salesman comes back with the keys, they both get in the car and they start driving. A mile later, the insane man stabs the car salesman 87 times and steals the car. Once he gets home, he cooks up the car salesman and eats him... end of story.
Now, let’s compare these two situations. The sane man walked away from the car lot with debt and a crappy car. The insane man walked away with a free car and a hot meal. Who walked away with the upper hand? As you can see the crazy bastard is far better off than the man who put up with the debt, and was dumb enough to actually PAY for the car.
Real Life Example...
You see, insane people have it good and we could all learn a great deal from their inspiring behavior. For instance, 53 year old Andrew Joseph Stack III was in debt to the IRS. They came, they took, and they left him with nothing. The average man would simply put up with it. Mr. Stack, on other hand, was not going to let the IRS bully him around. So, he took a Piper PA-28-236 Aircraft and smacked that puppy in to the side of the building... end of story. Now, if he would have given the IRS what they wanted would that have taught them to be any nicer or more forgiving? Would that have made his circumstances any better? Would the IRS have even thanked him for paying? Would God himself have come down and praised him for contributing to our government’s kleptomaniacal policies? No! Of course not! So he did the only thing an insane man could do at that point and went out kamikaze style. As far as I am concerned, it was far less brutal than the onslaught the IRS can deliver. That, again, is just another real life example of how being insane can really make things easier for yourself
What is Insanity?
What I want to talk about now is this far flung idea of insanity. Insanity is not "doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting a different result." Would you call a grieving widow insane for crying more than once after her husband died? Of course not. In fact, insanity is hardly a concept the medical field even considers valid. Most conditions people have are treated independently and not lumped up with the word insane. Insanity, or at least the idea of "being insane", is mostly a legal term and is used by the justice system to determine a person’s ability to distinguish from right and wrong, and thus their culpability in a crime. So, although I will be referring to this idea of "being insane" with the word insane throughout this entire article, I am not referring to how most people perceive it. Insanity is more than just being insane. It is taking a step or action that most people would not consider to resolve a situation. Everything is a situation. If you feel angry, that is a situation. If you feel sad, lonely, happy, or like smiling, how you react to those feelings is a situation you must deal with. This means that insanity, for lack of a better word, is simply reacting to a situation in a way that most people would not consider or do. So, insanity is not really insanity at all. It is simply a socially unacceptable reaction to a situation. That does not make it wrong. Just different. And, if you use insanity correctly, it can lead to years of freedom and prosperity.
How to Be Insane
Becoming insane is quite a fickle process. One does not simple "become insane" overnight. It can take months, if not years, of dedicated effort and practice. Once you do achieve a state of insanity you will find yourselves with a whole new level of freedom you could have only dreamed of before. There around 10 steps to insanity. So let’s begin
Step 1: Lose You Inhibitions
If you’re afraid of cats, don't be! Now that you’re insane you can chop them up in to little pieces and teach those pesky cats a lesson. Are you afraid of the dark? Why, you’re the only scary thing that lurks in the dark now! If you
don't like you wife, don't put up with her nagging! It's time to take action! As a crazy bastard, it's time to liberate her of her precious life and pick her up a new pair of concrete shoes. Your insane now; death, maiming and killing are your god given right and you can do what you want. You don't have to be scared of whether or not the "law" or "people" think you’re wrong, because YOU know you’re right. If you’re attracted to a horse, feel free to indulge! You’re so cuckoo for cocoa puffs it’s no longer your responsibility to care about what other people think! The very idea or caring about what other people think is laughable to you. Don't hesitate to actually do whatever crosses your mind. Think like "Paris Hilton" or "Bill Clinton". If you want something, go get it! Never mind how these desires can affect the people around you. That's not the point. You crazy now; it's time to shed your inhibitions, fears, and morals, and act like it!
Step 2: Act the Opposite
Someone just opened a door for you and your first thought is to say "thank you". DON'T! Now that you’re trying to be crazy you need to glare and shout at them about your independence. Perhaps you could stab them several times to teach them a lesson about class. You’re crazy, so you need to do the opposite of what a "non-crazy" person would do. For instance, you’re driving down the highway and you notice that someone is trying to merge in to traffic coming down an off-ramp. The first thing you need to do as a crazy person is to catch up with them and go the exact same speed as they are so they can't merge. If you really want to do the cuckoo thing, you should simply careen wildly out of control and collide with the innocent motorist. You’re crazy now! It's time to start doing the opposite of what you’re supposed to! Don't say thanks when someone does you a favor; snarl, drool, bark and heave your chest manically!
Step 3: Be Aggressively Assertive
You walk to a man and ask if you can borrow his phone. STOP RIGHT THERE! You shouldn't be asking! You need to walk up and smack him in the head with the nearest piece of metal or object at hand. After all, insane people don't plan ahead, so don't bring a weapon. You need to never accept no for an answer. Your way is the highway and anyone who opposes you can get hit by your oncoming traffic. You’re insane now. It's time to stop playing games and take what's yours regardless of other people’s feelings. Think "Scar Face" or "Nicki Minaj". The world is yours my insane friend. You need to crush everyone and anyone to get ahead or get your way.
Step 4: Develop a Taste for People
This almost goes without saying. Every insane person in the history of crazy, cocoa puff munching maniacs loves the good ole' taste of "long pig". A couple of excellent examples are Jeffrey Dahmer, Armin Meiwes, and the Revolutionary United Front in Africa. As the old Spanish proverb goes, "The belly rules the mind." When you’re insane this phrase needs to be of constant reference. If you’re hungry, pick a person and go with it! You’re doing them a favor if you think about it... for a long time.
Step 5: Say Good Bye to Hygiene
Depending on what sort of psychopath you want to be, poor hygiene can really enhance your overall impression. You need to really mean it though. You can't just stop bathing and expect yourself to be more insane. Find a good reason to stop showering, shaving and bathing yourself. Pick up a complex or some sort of disorder that prevents you from concentrating long enough to shower or bathe. Perhaps you’re too busy spreading your own fecal matter all over the walls to take a shower. Maybe your obsession with making lamp shades out of human flesh is far too distracting. Try studying the works of Albert Fish, one of the dirtiest and most sadistic psychos of all time. Just make sure you think dirty!
Step 6: Everything is a Conspiracy
It's time to stop taking what people say at face value. You need to do a Bing search on Alex Jones right now! Study his every thought, idea and move. This is an excellent example of what it takes to be a psychopathic, delusional, conspiracy wacko. If someone tells you they just got the latest phone, you need to know that that is code for "brain implant chip". You’re completely nuts now and nothing is impossible! For all you know the hair on your very head is planning to kill you and you need to be prepared. Pick yourself up a lifetime supply of aluminum foil and bibles. The world is against you, and you need to prepare yourself for the onslaught of government tyranny, devil possessed civilians, and mind controlling corporations! Line your entire house with aluminum foil and use the commandments to cleanse the world of its unholy minions though murder. You’re a crazy bastard now and it's time to start really going for it!
Step 7: Build a Basement
I can't emphasize enough how important a basement is. Where else are you going to store the stockpile of bones and corpses amassing in your closets? You need somewhere to put them! A lot of famous loony’s had a nice dismal basement. Think like John Wayne Gacy (clown suit included). If you really want to be insane, you need a place to put your victims. Don't bury them in your front yard. That's how everyone gets caught.
Step 8: Get a Killer Outfit
Allot of serial killers like to play dress-up. People like the Zodiac Killer, Mr. Gayce, and OJ Simpson all had disguises so people would not recognize them. These are some of the most successful crazy bastards of all time. The Zodiac had a cool hat, Mr. Gayce was a funny clown, and OJ Simpson had a business suit with lots of money. You see, all the most successful nut jobs had a cool costume. Not only did it make it harder to figure out who they were, but it also just looks really cool! Look up some really good ideas that haven’t been tried already. You'll need to do a lot of research before you pick your outfit. Just remember to be yourself. A dark ensemble is always good. Perhaps some religious paraphernalia, like a cross necklace, that draws a parallel between good and you. Anything will do.
Step 9: Build Your Ego
Every lunatic in the world has had a huge ego; Hitler, Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, Kanye West – It’s all part of being cracked out and bonkers. Hitler said “Terrorism is the best political weapon for nothing drives people harder than a fear of sudden death.”, and Kanye West said “I have, like, nuclear power, like a superhero… Oh my God, I’m one of the greatest rappers in the world.” You need to think like both of these people. Study their works and use their attitude as an inspiration for your deranged irrationality. If you really want to become a frenzied lunatic you need to believe you are better than EVERYONE. It will make it so much simpler.
Step 10: Choose an Alias
This is the final step to being truly crazy. Every single serial killer and lunatic in the world had an “AKA” or a nickname. You need something cold and calculating that will suit your insane aspirations. A couple of great examples of nick names insane people have been given are “The Bloody Stranglers”, “The Alligator Man”, “The Giggling Granny”, “The Mad Biter”, “The Monster of The Andes”, and “Flava Flav” to name only a few. These are some really great names that show people how crazy you really are. If you want to be taken seriously as a crack pot a nickname is a must! Try something like “The Flesh Gobbler” or “The Blood Guzzle Fiend”. You need people to know you’re unstable right from the start. Choosing a generic name, like Crazy Joe just makes you sound like your homeless.
Now that you have read all of these steps I hope you actively pursue them if you really want to be free. Being insane is not just a choice, it’s a lifestyle. If you’re going to be a raging, senseless beast of a man, you need to turn it into a program. Once you have finally achieved an ultimate level of insanity you can say good bye to all your concerns of the past, and hello to a future of freedom!
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